Some Important Information Regarding The Fairer Sex.

Entry #2

Newer Older

Jump to Entry: [ 1 | 2 | 3 ]

Some Important Information Regarding The Fairer Sex.

Posted by idle Apr. 14, 2008 @ 6:54 AM EDT

The following factoids will put you in good stead for all future endeavors involving wimmenz:

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish ----> 49
Adventurous ----> Slept with all your friends
Athletic ----> No boobs
Average looking ----> Ugly
Beautiful ----> Pathological liar
Contagious Smile ----> Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure ----> On medication
Feminist ----> Fat
Free spirit ----> Junkie
Friendship first ----> Former slut
Fun ----> Annoying
Gentle ----> Dull
New Age ----> Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded ----> Desperate
Outgoing ----> Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate ----> Sloppy drunk
Poet ----> Depressive
Professional ----> Bitch
Romantic ----> Frigid
Voluptuous ----> Obese
Large frame ----> Hugely Obese
Wants Soul mate ----> Stalker
Widow ----> Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

In comparison... MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

----------------------

These secrets worked for me... and they can work for you too!

NOW GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY!

Updated: 04/14/08 7:18 AM Log in to comment! | Share this!

The People Have Spoken

29 Comments

Apr. 14, 2008 | 7:08 AM MrKickyourbutt says:

Awesome. Did you write this yourself?

Apr. 27, 2008 | 10:53 AM idle responds:

IT CAME TO ME IN A DREAM.

Apr. 17, 2008 | 10:15 AM kidray76 says:

Ok, where did you copy that from?

Still awesome though and pretty much true.

Apr. 27, 2008 | 10:57 AM idle responds:

The nerve of you, accusing me of common thievery. The hide. THE AUDACITY.

Disgraceful!

Apr. 18, 2008 | 12:08 PM simon says:

men's english made me laugh.

Apr. 19, 2008 | 11:55 AM X-Gary-Gigax-X says:

AWWWWWWWWsum

Apr. 27, 2008 | 10:56 AM idle responds:

OMG it's Gary Gigax hi.

Apr. 20, 2008 | 12:58 PM Corky52 says:

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Apr. 21, 2008 | 4:04 AM Darkside7000 says:

Results of the Best Nintendo Games poll thingy please.

Apr. 21, 2008 | 11:16 AM idle responds:

Lol, its coming. Just for you Darkside. Should be up in a few days. You can quote me on that one.

*EDIT* It is done.

Updated: Apr. 27, 2008, 10:58 AM

Apr. 22, 2008 | 2:10 AM Kidlazarus says:

Great service you have done for male kind.

Apr. 27, 2008 | 10:58 AM idle responds:

*Another great service you have done for male kind.

Apr. 23, 2008 | 4:41 AM cast says:

Hello, I think we should become friends.

Love,

Your new friend, possibly bestests's internets friend FUCKING EVER....

-cast

Oh pardon me, we arent friends yet, do you accept this gesture or do I need to kick you in the nuts, bitch?

lol :)

Apr. 23, 2008 | 5:38 AM idle responds:

{{{BFF}}}

Apr. 23, 2008 | 5:52 AM FBIpolux says:

Haha that is great.

Apr. 24, 2008 | 7:20 PM Captain-Jack says:

In that case, I am definitely an athletic, fun professional.

.... :(

Apr. 24, 2008 | 7:37 PM idle responds:

The test is extremely accurate.

They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

Apr. 25, 2008 | 10:40 AM Grammer says:

It's all coming together now

Apr. 26, 2008 | 1:29 PM The-evil-bucket says:

Very insightful. good read.

Apr. 27, 2008 | 1:53 PM aldlv says:

XD

*I have nothing else to say*

Apr. 27, 2008 | 11:42 PM Skybolt-DX says:

This angers me.

>=[

Apr. 28, 2008 | 9:04 AM idle responds:

Really?

Apr. 29, 2008 | 9:41 AM Wolferz says:

You seem to know a lot about wimmenz.

May. 3, 2008 | 11:20 AM idle responds:

I have studied them from afar for many years.

May. 1, 2008 | 2:01 PM LampFace says:

I know some of this to be true so the rest will be helpful.

May. 2, 2008 | 6:23 PM MattTheParanoidKat says:

This blog is so fucking true it's scary. Also, women love sex just as much as men... but they're usually whore.

May. 4, 2008 | 4:52 AM DragonsGrief says:

Lol bookmarked

May. 4, 2008 | 5:05 AM Frank-The-Hedgehog says:

Both men and women are horrible D=

May. 6, 2008 | 2:11 AM VeryProudofYa says:

The only one I haven't read before was the last one :(

Of course, that does nothing to rob it of absolute and complete validity.

Additionally, black cocks.

May. 19, 2008 | 2:00 AM idle responds:

make the world go round.

World go round.

May. 9, 2008 | 5:24 AM Retardead says:

Lol Ima copy that "dictionairy" I grinned =P

May. 11, 2008 | 1:39 PM risbolla says:

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
MANY CHEEKS

May. 19, 2008 | 1:59 AM idle responds:

They say that the cheeks are the tastiest part of the animal.

May. 13, 2008 | 11:34 AM metalstorm says:

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

In comparison... MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

rearranging the above sentences in any order will provide a perfect exampe of a conversation between me and my ex.

May. 13, 2008 | 11:43 AM Preternatural says:

This abou sums it up.

May. 16, 2008 | 5:02 AM FIGMENTUM says:

why didn't you tell me you had lols on your page

May. 19, 2008 | 1:58 AM idle responds:

I shouldn't have to tell you these things dear friend. It should be a given.

May. 24, 2008 | 6:14 PM CGUE says:

lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!

May. 24, 2008 | 6:15 PM CGUE says:

r u white trash?

May. 25, 2008 | 4:18 AM idle responds:

Yes. The best kind.

May. 26, 2008 | 4:59 AM cast says:

fuck

May. 26, 2008 | 5:07 AM idle responds:

I reckon.

May. 27, 2008 | 12:21 AM JackPhantasm says:

Okay I read yours now read mine.

Newer Older

Jump to Entry: [ 1 | 2 | 3 ]

Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

idle

Contact Info

Newgrounds Stats

Entry #2

Some Important Information Regarding The Fairer Sex.

Leave a comment!

The People Have Spoken